The scene was like something out of an apocalyptic film with tens of Ambulances, squad cars, a screaming Diva, a frightened husband, vomiting dancers and of course one very worried looking Tea lady, who was being led away to a squad car in handcuffs for trying to poison the cast of Chicago. Yes, it was the kind of scene that had ALL the news channels and paparazzi salivating.
“Trent…Trent…I love you, please, you have to tell them, I didn’t do it!” Sally wailed, as the police officer was ‘assisting’ her into the squad car. Little did the cast of Chicago or the stage hands know that Sally had a wall of pictures of Trent in her own little back room of the Theater house and there were pictures of all the leading ladies, with big red crosses through them. A serial stalking tea lady? Can you believe it? Simone could. She always thought there was something odd about that woman. Spending all her free time either in Trent’s dressing room, or watching him from the wings.
Meanwhile, the director was trying to calm down a distraught and irate Mariah Carey, who was on a stretcher and about to be loaded into an ambulance. “I’LL SUE!!!” She screamed as her husband kept patting her hand, only to have it swatted away by the Prima dona. “Dooooon’t you touch me…you…you…ADULTERER!” She waved the red thong at him as proof of his infidelity, and this was when another cast member sang out. “Hey…they’re mine!” At this, Mariah blew her gasket, and bellowed for her ‘heavies”, who happened to also work as bouncers at the Poison tongue on Saturday nights, to go and give the unsuspecting dancer…a talking too. They dragged the girl who made the claim about the red thong around the corner, where you could hear more shrieks and protests of innocence.
The director was sitting on a trash can, sobbing into his hands, as his multi million dollar production was going up in flames before his very eyes. “I’m ruined….Waaaaaah.” Simone patted his shoulder gently, showing a sincere side to her dark nature.“Don’t worry, Bertie, I am sure that you will find another leading lady, and the dancers should be…okay once their stomachs are pumped at the hospital.” Bertie the director took Simone’s hand and kissed it. She seemed to be the only one that cared about his production. “What would I do without you, Simone?’ He implored, his eyes brimming with tears.
“Oh I don’t know, but…can I ask, since Mariah is now out…can I have my dressing room back?’
“Anything you say, Doll.”
“Heh…Well, I guess I’ll see you when rehearsals kick off again. I have to go to the offices of Vogue magazine about some fashion shoot. Toodles.”
And with that, Simone swanned through the throng of despair and disaster heading to the main street to get a cab to go and catch up with her bestie Erica. Her friend was not going to believe all this.
The cast had already been out on the stage doing warm ups and getting into position, while the band was tuning their instruments. Really, it was your typical rehearsal, and there was much fuss being made over Mariah, who seemed to need to have everything explained to her at least three times, since she was an emergency replacement for Lucy Luvich. Simone threaded her arm in Nick’s as she walked him out to the stage, and then seeing Mariah, she made sure the buxom diva got a good look at Simone being on her husband’s arm. Simone whispered something to Nick, which was actually “You should give her a kiss for good luck.”, before removing her arm, and going over to her stand point, to get ready for the call to start rehearsals.
From where Mariah stood, she spotted the leggy dancer and her husband, and the way he smiled when Simone said something, that looked private. As for unsettling the star, it seemed to be working, if the expression on her face was anything to go by. The set crew were pushing the jail bar props into place, and the number that was going to be rehearsed was the Cell block tango. A bold number that required six dancers including Mariah and Simone. The director explained the role again to Mariah, who was now slightly unnerved as Nick kept waving at her from the wings. Sally rolled in the refreshment trolley and parked it to the side just out of view of the director. No doubt there were going to be some very thirsty dancers.
“Alright people. Places. Mariah, you know your mark now? Good. Simone…let’s see that talent, baby. Okay…in five, four three..two….one…”
[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
[ANNOUNCER]
And now the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of “The Cell Block Tango”
[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
(4X)
[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it
[VELMA]
I betcha you would have done the same!
[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
(2X)
[LIZ (Spoken)]
You know how people
Have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day,
And I am really irritated, and I’m
Looking for a little bit of sympathy
And there’s Bernie layin’
On the couch, drinkin’ a beer
And chewin’. No, not chewin’.
Poppin’. So, I said to him,
I said, “You pop that
Gum one more time…”
And he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
And I fired two warning shots…
… into his head.
[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you’d have been there
If you’d have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
[ANNIE (Spoken)]
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago,
And he told me he was single
And we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He’d go to work, he’d come home, I’d
Fix him a drink, We’d have dinner.
And then I found out,
“Single” he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
Was he married
… oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know. So that
Night, when he came home from work, I fixed him his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can’t hold
Their arsenic.
[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In it’s prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Now, I’m standing in the kitchen
Carvin’ up the chicken for dinner,
Minding my own business,
And in storms my husband Wilbur,
In a jealous rage.
“You been screwin’ the milkman,”
He says. He was crazy
And he kept on screamin’,
“you been screwin the milkman.”
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!
[ALL]
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
[HUNYAK (Spoken in Hungarian)]
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
Lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
Vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
A rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg…
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Yeah, but did you do it?
[HUNYAK]
UH UH, not guilty!
[VELMA] – Played by Simone.
My sister, Veronica and
I had this double act
And my husband, Charlie,
Travelled around with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
We did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row
One, two, three, four, five… splits, spread eagles,
Back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we’re down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozin’, havin’ a few laughs and
We ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there’s Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out. I can’t remember a thing.
It wasn’t until later,
When I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming all along
[GIRLS]
They had it coming all along
[VELMA]
I didn’t do it
[GIRLS]
She didn’t do it
[VELMA]
But if I done it
[GIRLS]
But if she’d done it
[VELMA]
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They took a flower
[VELMA]
All along
[GIRLS]
In it’s prime
[VELMA]
I didn’t do it
[GIRLS]
And then they used it
[VELMA]
But if I’d done it,
[GIRLS]
And they abused it
[VELMA}
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
[GIRLS]
It was a murder but not a crime
[MONA(Spoken)]
I loved Al Lipschitz
More than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy…
Sensitive… a painter.
But he was always trying
To find himself.
He’d go out every night
Looking for himself
And on the way
He found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
Up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
And I saw him dead.
[ALL]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
[Group 1]
They had it comin’
[Group 2]
They had it comin’
[Group 1]
They had it comin’
[Group 2]
They had it comin’
[Group 1]
They had it comin’
[Group 2]
They had it comin’
[Group 1]
All along
[Group 2]
All along
[Group 1]
‘Cause if they used us
[Group 2]
‘Cause if they used us
[Group 1]
And they abused us
[Group 2]
And they abused us
[ALL]
How could you tell us that we were wrong?
[Group 1]
He had it coming
[Group 2]
He had it coming
[Group 1]
He had it coming
[Group 2]
He had it coming
[Group 1]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 2]
He only had himself to blame.
[Group 1]
If you’d have been there
[Group 2]
If you’d have been there
[Group 1]
If you’d have seen it
[Group 2]
If you’d have seen it
[ALL]
I betcha you would have done the same!
[LIZ (Spoken)]
You pop that gum one more time!
[ANNIE (spoken)]
Single my ass.
[JUNE (Spoken)]
Ten times!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.
[VELMA (Spoken)]
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.
[MONA (Spoken)]
Artistic differences.
[LIZ]
Pop
[ANNIE]
Six
[JUNE]
Squish
[HUNYAK]
Uh uh
[VELMA]
Cicero
[MONA]
Lipschitz!
The performance by Simone, as Velma was sensational as the song seemed to take on a whole new meaning – if only everyone knew. Mariah was of course nervous and it showed, but the cast seemed to expect that from the diva who barely had time to go over the moves. As the number came to a close, Simone slipped out the butter satchel from her small pocket and made sure to drop it not far from where Mariah had finished.
“Great great….okay lovelies. Everyone break for five.”
The dancers all were thirsty and lined up for refreshments, much to Simone’s delight, while Nick started to walk towards Mariah. Mariah grinned and went to run across the stage towards him….and that was when it happened. She stepped on the butter satchel and went flying, her legs in the air. Fabulous. She landed awkwardly and you could hear a terrible snap. Did she break something? The Director shrieked, and so did Mariah. Her husband cried out and went to try and help her up, and this was when she reached for him, and got her fingers caught in the lace of the red thong that was sticking out of his pocket. Needless to say….the entire stage stopped. Some dancers had already started to drink the cordial, and you could hear gagging and vomiting, while Mariah was screaming in agony and shock to have a red thong in her hands.
“NICK?! What have you done?”
“Baby…I don’t know where that came from.”
Simone snuck off to the left side of the stage and chuckled darkly while singing…
Simone was furious, and when a girl like her is angered to the point of wanting revenge, she would stop at nothing. Getting changed into her outfit for rehearsals, she could hear the tea trolley lady outside. Sally had parked her trolley, while going into Trent’s dressing room, to get his dirty plates and cups. One thing about Sally, she had an enormous crush on Trent, and often stayed a little too long in his dressing room, probably smelling his undies, or something vulgar. A cruel smile formed on Simone’s face, as she looked to her right. The cleaner’s store room and chemicals. Licking her lips, she snuck in and found a bottle of detergent that was clear in colour. Sneaking out to the doorway to the main dressing room, she could see Trent’s door was open just a crack. On the trolley, a large refreshment container was seated along with food for the cast. Checking for anyone coming and hearing the roar of the director out at the stage area for people to get their places, she unscrewed the top and poured about half a bottle of detergent into the cordial. Simone re-screwed the cap and then raced the detergent back into the store room, where she hoped the cleaner would not notice his bottles having been messed with.
Snickering, Simone then grabbed one of her co stars red thongs, and tucked it in her pocket, before heading for the door. Sally was just coming out of Trent’s dressing room and saw Simone coming out. “You’ll be late, Missy.” Sally said, wiggling her finger at Simone. Simone acted innocent and then grinned like a cheshire cat at Sally. “Was just on my way. I had a hard night.”
At this point, Mariah Carey’s husband Nick Cannon came along with a large spray of flowers for his wife. Sally nearly swallowed her tongue, while Simone bore a crooked smile. Could this get any easier? “Can you tell me where Mariah is…I came to wish her luck.” Simone and Sally exchanged a glance, before Simone said. “She’s be out on stage with the rest of the cast. Why don’t you get Sally to put those in a vase for Mariah and I can take you out to the stage.” Nick, who had no clue about Simone’s intent was all to pleased to have the leggy dancer show him around. “Sure..be great.” While Sally was taking the flowers, Simone happened to pocket the red thong inside his coat jacket pocket by slight of hand. Stepping back, she noticed a pile of butter satchels for the scones for morning tea, and grabbed a handful, before then turning back to smile at Nick.
“This way.” Simone said with a chirpy voice, as her evil plans were all set in play. If she had a say in it, this was going to be a rehearsal to remember.
To see the blonde diva throw a tantrum the way Simone was over being displaced from her personal dressing room to having to share with the rest of the cast, brought both amusement and laughter to a lot of the other dancers and performers. Jason Tweedy, one of the leading men, rocked on up and placed a hand on Simone’s shoulder as she looked set to tear the head off the next person to piss her off.
“Oh now lovey. We saved you a special place.” That catty tone, she knew right away that they were going to make sure that she never forgot how low she had fallen. He wheeled her around and pointed to the end dressing spot, right near the cleaners bay. You could smell the chemicals and other toxic cleaning fluids a mile away from that corner. “Didn’t want to make you feel special, now would we?’ Jason let out a loud chuckle, which earnt him a good elbow in the rib cage, as Simone stormed over to where her things had been moved too.
Such a small confined space, and someone had taken the liberty of scrawling a message in lipstick on her mirror that read ;“Oh look, a star has fallen.” Anyone would think it was Simone that was the one who had been arrested, not Lucy Luvich, her co-star. There was a paper on the table next to hers, and Simone snatched it up, only to see Lucy’s mug on the front page. She was trying to block the photographer from taking a snap of her face, but clearly she was still under the influence and her aim was right off. Mascara streaked cheeks, a bad hair day and with cops behind her – the girl had been caught out. It was no surprise really, she had a known drug habit in the inside circles of the showbiz world. Now, everyone knew. Simone tossed the paper into the garbage bin and gripped the edge of her counter. This was going to be one of those days.
The director popped his head into the change room and shouted. “Okay my pretties, five minutes to get your twinkle toes on stage for rehearsals.” There was an eruption of chatter and performers getting ready to go out on stage. Simone had not even had time to shower, or change from her night on the town. “I’m not ready, god dammit!” It was clear that Simone was going to be in for the worst day imaginable. Barely having touched her breakfast, one coffee, and now facing a day of rehearsals without having slept. Could it get any worse?
Mariah popped her head into the cast dressing room and chortled in a bright and cheery voice.
“Can’t wait to see you dance, Sugar.”
If steam could be seen coming out of Simone’s ears, it would have been ever comical. She hated being called pet names, and Sugar…was the worst. Gritting her teeth, Simone replied. “Break a leg.” Mariah blew Simone a kiss, and as soon as the diva was out of sight, Simone snarled; “…bitch.”
The shiny yellow cab pulled up at the curb, just outside the stage entrance to the Theater. The Indian driver, who had decorated his cab with all manner of religious ornaments and trinkets as well as having burning incense, threw his arm over the seat and looked back at the young Dancer as she rummaged through her clutch for the money to pay for her ride.
“That be twenty dollars.”
“Yeah, yeah…hold on, I got this.”
Simone managed to find four five dollar bills, and paid them over to the turban wearing driver, before letting herself out of the cab and getting up onto the sidewalk. Slamming the door, Simone was all too happy to get out of the cab, since the cab smelt a lot like an Indian restaurant that she used to frequent when she was dating a real estate developer on the east side. Watching the cab speed off to its next fare, she turned to face the stage door, where already a few were outside, enjoying their cancer sticks, since management had made the theater a no smoking zone inside. It was understandable really, but still a bit chilly in the morning, to have to be standing outside. Two were stage hands; John Smite and Larry Picole. Wearing jeans and the company trade mark polos for the production of Chicago, they both smiled to see Simone, who was still wearing the tight gold lame short shorts from her night at the Poisoned Tongue.
John wolf whistled, to see Simone with those long legs of hers exposed. “Hey babe, shake that ass.” Larry burst out laughing and Simone gave them both a dirty look. “Don’t start.” John threw his hands up in surrender, as he playfully taunted her further.“Who was the lucky guy, Simone? You look like you haven’t even been home.” Truth was, there was no lucky guy, unless you counted the gay guy who sat with her at the Waffle house, when she had been abandoned by her gal pals. Simone placed her hands on her hips, as Larry waved his hand in a gesture that he thought Simone looked damn hot in those pants.“You’re only right on one count. I haven’t been home, just came from Frederick’s waffle house, and no…surprisingly there is no guy.” The stage hand sneered and lent forward, tapping his cigarette with his finger. “Well, that’s a first.”
Simone shook her head and flashed her ID card at the security officer, as the two men high-fived as Simone went inside.
It was the usual crush of people. Dancers, agents, costume designers, set builders. Always a hive of activity at the theater in the lead up to the opening night of the production. Simone walked past one of the large scale props of a large prison set, as she turned the corner to make her way down to the dressing rooms.
Simone was about to reach her dressing room, when she noticed that there was a large gathering of people blocking her way. Simone hopped up and down trying to see who it was, as there was much laughter every time the woman – well that is what Simone thought it was, was talking. The dancer tried to push her way through the crowd, only to come face to face with..
“Mariah Carey?” Simone blurted, seeing the world renowned singer standing outside HER dressing room with a lot of luggage. Mariah turned and saw the statuesque dancer and smiled broadly. “You must be Simone Jackson.” Well that was a first, Simone had no idea what was going on, and why Mariah Carey was even in the building. Simone’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, as the director pushed his way through the crowd of people.
“Times money people! Stop dilly dallying around and get back to work.” He then spotted Simone and cringed, when he realized that Simone had arrived at work a tad early and had yet to find out about the new arrangements. “Simone, darling. I’d like you to meet Mariah Carey, she is going to be using your dressing room, as she has taken on top bill, after Lucy Luvich got arrested for narcotics possession.”
Simone looked stunned. First her co star is arrested, and…Simone was having to give up her dressing room to the new Diva on the block. The director could see that Simone was about to blow a gasket, and put his arm around her leading her down the corridor to the shared dressing room, with the other stars. “I already took the liberty of having all your things moved in here. Now, be a good girl and go get ready for rehearsals.” He smacked her backside, as he went back to entertain Ms Carey, while leaving a fuming Simone standing outside the main dressing room. A few of the other dancers laughed to see Simone knocked down off her high horse, and this only made things worse. The cogs in Simone’s mind started to turn as she stormed into the main dressing room and roared like a mally bull.