11 Thursday Sep 2014
Posted in Guilty Pleasures.
On Ellen earlier this week, Minaj kept a jokingly terrified look on her face the whole time she — along with the studio audience — was viewing the clip, but DeGeneres is clearly pleased with the finished project. And who could blame her? As Minaj concludes, “Ellen, you are hilarous.”
Indeed she was. This was fantastic as was Nicki’s reaction. ❤
23 Saturday Nov 2013
Tags
Atlanta, Bobby Williams, CharlotteCarrendar, Comedy, Della Sachs, Humor, interview, LadyBelz, racing car drivers, role play., spoof, TVG, writing
TVG: Sitting in one of downtown Atlanta’s famous sports bars, The Pitstop Bar & Grill, I had an opportunity to chat with racing sensation, Della Sachs. Looking mighty fine in a sexy purple tank top and matching pants, you would think this mocha beauty would feel more at home in a hair salon or a shopping mall. But Della Sachs is no ordinary woman. She set the racing world on its collective ass a few years ago by becoming the first female to win a major racing event, cementing her reputation as a serious competitor in once was regarded as a man’s sport. Della, thanks for sitting with us today.
DS: Thank you for having me. I have to say, doing an interview in a sports bar is probably one of the highlights of my career. (-With a chuckle, she tossed her hair back over one smooth shoulder.-)
TVG: So, Della…you are a second-gen racer, your father, Del Sachs being one of the best racers in this business. How did you get involved?
DS: I grew up around cars and racing. My momma, Shelia Sachs, was a mechanic and she taught me everything there was to know about cars: how they run, how to change parts, how to drain and engine. Most girls were worrying about hair and boys and clothes, I was worrying about engine blocks, broken axles and dirty oil. My dad, God rest his soul, took me along for his races and I got involved with the pit crew. The sights and sounds of a car going over two or three hundred miles per hour…I felt like I had found my calling. So I asked my dad to teach me to drive one of his cars. He took me out to the track and I nearly crashed the first time I tried a turn. Scared the hell out of my father when that happened. But I laughed it off and got back behind the wheel. Practice makes perfect and all that.
TVG: And you never looked back.
DS: Never even checked the rear view.
TVG: You’re racing in The Turtlewax 3000 next weekend. Are you excited?
DS: Excited doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’ve been looking forward to this race all year.
TVG: Why is that exactly?
DS: There’s a lot of new talent coming in from all over the world and this is a chance for me to prove to myself that I have what it takes to be in this business. Because when all is said and done, the one in the winner’s circle will be on top for a long time.
TVG: Being number one is important to you?
DS: Not at all. The most important thing to me is surviving the race. To reach that checkered flag. I’ve worked hard for this all my life. To even be in the top 20 finishers would be heaven in my eyes.
TVG: What do you think of the new crop of racers coming in?
DS: I’m sure they’re talented…but I’ve heard some disturbing things about a few of them. Kind of worries me how they are behind the wheel of a ton of metal and whipping around in a circle at 200 miles and hour.
TVG: I’m going to toss out a couple of names. What’s the first thing that pops into your head?
DS: Go for it.
TVG: Carlos Mendoza.
DS: Playboy millionaire who uses women as his personal toys.
TVG: Kaspars Balodis.
DS: Fried Brain Syndrome.
TVG: Rhiannon Balodis.
DS: Rookie…but she’d be excellent competition. She needs more race time.
TVG: Robbie Williams.
DS: I’m surprised he’s not dead yet to be honest with you. With all the s*#t he’s abusing his body with, he’s got to have the slowest reflexes ever. Dangerous to have behind the wheel.
TVG: Pretty strong words.
DS: I take racing very seriously. Anyone gets in my way of my goals and dreams…well let’s just say my reactions won’t be pleasant.
TVG: Hmm. Interesting. Well…I think we’re done. Thank you, Della for speaking with us today. Is there anything you’d like to tell any of our readers who may be interested in a career in race car driving?
DS: Yes. Work hard, listen, and be aware of your surroundings at all times because if you don’t, that split second your attention slacks could be the difference between life and death.
SM For many of our readers, the name Bobby Williams is tagged with that of Formula One motor racing, and of course that fabulous Welsh emo boy band “Afterlife”. Today however, we are here in Atlanta Georgia, a far cry from the likes of Europe and Monte Carlo, to see Bobby Williams taking on the title as the next superstar of the NASCAR touring car championship. I have the pleasure of meeting with Bobby, while he is staying here at the Renaissance Hotel and he agreed to meet with us, to discuss his upcoming race schedule and hopefully give us a peek into the fast times and hard life of a NASCAR driver.
Bobby…it’s great to see you, and…I see you brought your Mother with you?
CYN I’m not his mother…I’m his Manager.
SM Oh…so sorry. Moving on. Bobby, how are you enjoying Atlanta so far?
BW This is Atlanta? I thought it was Vegas.
SM Definitely Atlanta. So, what is your fitness regime on the lead up to the The Turtlewax 3000 next weekend. Do you have any tips for our readers?
BW Yes…Kids…don’t buy drugs. Become a pop star and they give them to you for free.
CYN Oh…Bobby is very busy, with his morning routine. He spends a good thirty minutes doing special exercises that help build up his hand coordination…You know, for steering.
BW You talking about me whacking the morning wood. Yeah, that takes a good thirty minutes. I think the drugs kinda messed with my times. I used to have pre ejaculation issues. Now it takes forever. Or is that the beer?
SM I don’t think that is quite what I meant, but good to know your are up with the sparrows.
BW You would be too with a raging fat. By the way…I love your tits. Want me to sign them?
SM Err no thank you. Bobby, how does it feel to driving the NASCAR’s as opposed to the Formula one?
BW Totally different. Cause like the steering wheel is on the bloody wrong side of the car. I don’t like that. Oh…and I miss all the free sponser stuff I used to get. Like…when I drove for MOET, I got a lot of free champagne….but like..this race is being sponsered by Turtle wax. What the fuck am I going to do with a shit tonne of Turtle wax? I don’t wash my own cars.
SM So have you met any of the other drivers yet. I hear Della Sachs is going to be hard to beat.
BW That sounds like a girly name. Della. His parents not like ‘im or something?
SW Della’s a woman.
BW Is that allowed? Racing against women? I thought we only used them for pit birds and holding up umbrellas. Eww…is she butch and got hairy armpits and smells of John west salmon?
SW And that concludes our interview. Next week, we have a special feature, with the legendary Turtle man himself.
BW Wanna go get a drink, love?
SW Fuck off, ya sexist pig.
BW I take it…your a lesbian too then. Surrounded by them.
<3>
MH:So, Christian. They tell us you were a street racer before turning pro. Is that correct?
C:If you say so.
MH: :What?
C: :What “they” told you. How should I know what they said?
MH: They told us—what? Who is they?
C: Who /are/ they.
MH: I don’t know, I’m asking you.
C: Yes—no, I’m /telling/ you. Who /are/ they.
MH: ……I don’t know! I’m asking YOU.
C: Ugh. No. That’s not what I mean. Who /is/ they, who /are/ they. See?
MH: I DON’T KNOW! I AM ASKING YOU!
C: AND I AM TELLING YOU!
MH: What?
C: Not what—who. /Who/ are they.
MH: …..what?
C: WHO! WHO! WHO ARE THEY! /WHO/ A-R-E THEY!
MH: …….
C: …….
MH: ……………………….
C: …………………………….
MH: Who are they…?
C: Who are they.
MH: Who …./are/…. they!
C: Yes, who are they.
MH: ………………
C: …………………
MH: Who are they?
C: Who are they.
MH: Who—that is what I am asking you!
C: It isn’t is, it’s are. That’s what I’m telling you. Let’s move on to the—
MH: You aren’t making any sense! If you just came here to be difficult—
C: I’m not making any sense? /I’M/ NOT MAKING SENSE?
MH: YOU SOUND LIKE A DAMN OWL. WHO! WHO! WHO IS THEY! WHO IS THEY!
C: WHO…..ARE….ARE! WHO ARE THEY!
MH: You are a fucking lunatic! STOP SHOUTING—
C: ARE! ARE! IT’S FUCKING ARE, ALRIGHT!
MH: Stop yelling letters at me! Stop—
C: ARE!!!!!! ARE!!!!!
MH: Just cut it ou—
C: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE
MH: OH MY GOD I AM BEING HARASSED BY A DERANGED PIRATE. HELP ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF—
C: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEE!!!!! AARREEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRREEE!
MH: -Sob.-
27 Wednesday Mar 2013
Posted in Parodies, Songs and Silly Poems.
Tags
