On Ellen earlier this week, Minaj kept a jokingly terrified look on her face the whole time she — along with the studio audience — was viewing the clip, but DeGeneres is clearly pleased with the finished project. And who could blame her? As Minaj concludes, “Ellen, you are hilarous.”
Indeed she was. This was fantastic as was Nicki’s reaction. ❤
Demonstrating true Australian sarcasm and self-depreciating humor that I know you all get.
No offence is intended to anyone so even if your nationality is targeted in these jokes (as Australians are clearly targeted as well ). I am an Australian and therefore I reserve the right to enjoy sarcastic asshole humor at times 😀
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The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
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Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
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I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the rail-road tracks (Sweden)?
Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
What did your last slave die of?
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Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not (have hippos) … oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
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Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is … oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
You are a British politician, right?
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Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
( ie you are so stupid…please feel free to handle all our deadly wildlife >:)
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I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
(ah the eternally effective yet mythical dropbear. I actually DID get asked about these once. I was kind enough to tell the fearful tourists that despite rumors, they are actually very real bwahahha… )
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I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
Yes, gay night clubs.
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Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
Only at Christmas.
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I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
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Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.
Now some typical Aussie humor care of Austen Tayshus.
Don’t cry for me, IMVU The truth is….you never loved me All through the bad days, the rotten glitches Where are my products? You fucking bitches……
And as for the 25k you gave me….and as for the rotten VIP promos… I never asked for them….though it seems at the time, they were totally mine But I saw through you…when you said you couldn’t spend them They were not promised to me…just made my credit balance look big at the time… I could have spent them….but you took them from me
Don’t cry for me, IMVU I look silly…as a default avi… Like in my wild days….of 2007 when my head was bigger than Oprah’s…. Don’t laugh, that’s how you made them….
Have I said too much….are you going to flag this pulse? I can’t think of what other cursed names to say to you All that I know…is that every word I typed here… Is……true…….
This ad for Moccona Mocha Kenya was originally scripted as a rough Scotsman. Hayward and UK casting director Nina Gold decided on a different angle. Shot in a supermarket in Bondi Beach, this ad from Clemenger Sydney became an overnight success and is the first of 3 commercials Hayward made for the brand.